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Thursday, May 08, 2008

Thinking back...
on the first picture I took ever since I boarded the flight to the other side of the globe

It has been 8 months since I have landed in the States.
2 more months to go than I will be back home in sweet, hot, humid Malaysia surrounded my loving family and friends.
Thinking about leaving for home in less than 9 weeks does nothing but makes me miss home even more.

Truth to be told, sometimes it seems like I am living in a trance.

It is so surreal though it may seem fake, but sometimes I would still slap myself on the face to see whether or not am I dreaming.

Am I seriously in the Land of dreams and freedom doing what I love to do?

Just a few minutes ago
, I was sitting in the computer laboratory and when I stood up to leave for class, I froze in my position for a while.

I looked at the American boy in front of me and thought to myself
*Hey, there's an Angmoh*
Just like how any Asian would respond if s/he sees an Angmoh stilling in front of em

What the heck, I see Angmohs everyday in every class and here I am making a big deal about seeing an Angmoh sitting front of me.
It took me quite a few seconds to tell myself,

*Yenn, don't be stupid. Of course he is white, you're in freaking United States!*

slaps and tell myself, how long do you still need to take to get use to the fact that you are in a foreign country?

Maybe its the bunch of Malaysians around me.
We practically have a Malaysian Kampung here in Kalamazoo.

At least you guys wouldn't have to worry for me coming home speaking in perfectly normal Malaysian Broken English because I still do that everyday when I am not in class.

Thinking about that makes me wanna side track a little bit.
Let put it this way, there are both good and bad about speaking Broken Manglish.
One thing, I do not want to live the rest of my life speaking broken Rojak Manglish although some of you might beg to differ with the thinking that...
*You are a Malaysian, don't try to be an Angmoh by speaking like them*

Heck, is there a problem speaking perfect English without a 'lah' at the end of the sentence?

Just because I do so doesn't mean I don't treasure my Asian roots.

So whoever is thinking that way, PUH-LEASE don't be so shallow minded.

On the other hand, I do feel embarrassed whenever I speak to my American friends and accidentally slip out one or two Malaysian accents.
Its so funny because they would look at me with *I don't understand you're Asian English* look on the face and I would have to repeat my entire sentence again with perfect American English.
Frankly speaking, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Manglish.
Its just that it is not worldwide friendly enough.
Only Malaysians and Singaporeans would understand our Rojak English but everyone does understand American English because
ALL of us are so exposed to it.
No one can deny that we do watch movies and TV shows AND most of them are from the USA.
We do listen to music and most of them are too from USA.

I guess I have gone through a whole lot ever since I got here.
I feel like an adult and I am kinda proud of the fact that
I am working for my own spendings, I walk to campus everyday, I cook my own meals (when I'm not working), I have to think multiple times before really buying that 5 dollar Victoria Secret Underwear, I apply for my own Visa Credit Card, and etc.
But that is still nothing, ZERO compared to some of the Americans here.
I just that God that I am fortunate enough to be here and unlike a lot of my American friends, I don't have to pay for my own tuition fees and living costs.
My eyes are now opened to the real world.

A world that after you graduate from high school,

You want to go to college? Go, take a load and pay for yourselves.

You want to smoke weed? Go, as long as you don't die from it.

You are practically on your own.
You pay for your own accommodation, you take up your own loads,
you pay for your tuition fees and by the time your graduate from University,
you have to work your ass off for probably your entire freaking life to pay of your study loans that you took just to study.

Thats the life of about 40% of the American college kids.

I personally know A LOT of them who manage to balance working to survive, taking 23 credit hours of classes, midnight rehearsals, performing in shows (because thats what we do) and still manages to keep a good CGPA.
I seriously wouldn't know what to do if I were them.
Would I do the same?
Would I study or take up a cheap ass job to survive on my own?

Whatever it is, I would dread the day to come and I know that I wouldn't be able to do Musical Theatre anymore because it seems too unpractical to do so.

God, Mom and dad, thank you guys so much for letting me come here to do what I love.

I am truly grateful.

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