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Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Worthy or not?

I never believed in lotteries.
There so many people in the world applying for the same damn ticket and who gets it?
Only one person.
So what makes you think that YOU are worthy enough to be that one lucky person to get big bucks?
I mocked people silently who buy lottery tickets, saying that it is their lucky day, that they would be a millionaire tomorrow.

Yet with much hope and faith, I applied for my first lottery last December.
It was not a Wannabe millionaire lottery, but a Green Card lottery for the United States.

I thought, if I won, I could stay here longer to pursue my dreams. I have the opportunity to do what I can do in that little time that I have. I would have the chance to prove to the world that I am just not any oversize Chinese Malaysian who has a childish dream of being a star.
I want to be given the chance to do this.
The fact that I only have 3 months to get a job after graduation scares me.
What if I don't? Then I'll get deported.
Getting hired long term in the theatre industry is not realistic, in fact it will not happen for nuts. I'll probably have a contract for 6 months and then I'll probably be out in the streets auditioning for another show again.
How am I suppose to do this when I can't even stay in the country?

I'm extremely disappointed with myself.

Am I not worthy enough to be chosen?


DarLyNn said...

You are very much worthy my dear. Keep trying. Love you.

reenz said...

heys.. keep trying kayz.dun give up =) im rooting for u here!