Sunday, October 18, 2009
Hold Your Chin Up High
Since I have been rehearsing for the musical that I am involved in *Carousel*, I have been listening to this song every night since it is it's theme song, which was made famous by Liverpool.
I am not being melodramatic but it never fails to make me me tear up because it's word are so meaningful.
I know that I have probably been in the lowest moments of my life within these past two weeks.
I apologize if I have indirectly dragged anyone down with me.
I know that being emotional, and being around someone emotional would really affect people around you.
It's just, sometimes I really don't know what to do but to cry when I feel extremely low.
But then again, looking on the bright side, I am truly grateful that mum helped me realize that I am extremely fortunate to have so many supportive friends and family around me whether they are physically here with me or not.
Although so many bad things happened within these two week, I was just too low and down in the dumps that I was blinded. Too blind to see those little meaningful things and encouragement that people said, and left on my facebook wall.
I was emotionally exhausted on Wednesday night when I was hit by the big news, and had so much trouble letting it go and moving on that I literally skipped my classes on Thursday because I was just so emotionally drained that I am physically and mentally exhausted.
Come to think about it, it was not even any big news. I guess it just happened at the wrong time. I feel stupid and silly, crying so much for something that could be easily solved. I guess it was just the emotions taking a toll in my life at that point.
Things looked brighter on Thursday when I manage to get some rest physically. I knew that I was actually killing my immune system for being so stressed. I made sure I took my supplements just so that I would not get sick because I just can't afford it.
I hurt myself really badly on Friday afternoon, in fact I pulled a ligament on my neck, and I could not move my upper body at all because I was so in pain. I hated the way my body tensed up when I feel any emotion, even when I laughed.
That was another breaking point for me, I just came home after rehearsal and cried and cried, and finally fell asleep after Lynn helped me rub on some traditional medicine on my aching neck and shoulder muscles.
Things are becoming better. Every once in a while I would feel like crying for no apparent reason although I am hanging with friends. I'm glad that I am surrounded by people who truly care about me. They really are my family away from home.
Thanks guys. And most of all, thanks Lynn.
miss you mum, dad, and jeph