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Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Just Yesterday

As much as I love autumn, this year has been nothing but depressing. At least for now.
If I remembered correctly, for the past two years at this time I was still wearing light cardigans.
I loved the sun rays that shined on the bright colored yellow, orange, and red leaves.

On the contrary, this year is all gloomy, rainy, and cold.
For a person who is on campus for more than 13 hours a day and walks from one end to the other end of campus, and back home, I am certainly not a huge fan of it.


That was not my point.


Jeph left for the navy today.


Yes. Time flew.

It seems like it was just yesterday when we first met.
It seems like it was just yesterday when he told me that he liked me.
It seems like it was just yesterday when he told me that he wanted to do something bigger and more meaningful with his life.
It seems like it was just yesterday when I told him: "Babe, I will support you in your career. Go live your dreams."
It seems like it was just yesterday when he said: "Love, I can't wait for my military life to start. I have to wait 8 more long months!"
It seems like it was just yesterday when he finally grew the b*lls to tell his parents that he signed with the Navy.
It seems like it was just yesterday when he started working out again, pushing himself to be better than what the Navy required.
It seems like it was just yesterday when I told him that I regretted supporting him because it finally kicked in that he was really leaving.
It seems like it was just yesterday when we said goodbye to his parents and he acted all macho so that his dad would not see him cry.
It seems like it was just yesterday when I saw his Fraternity brother hugged him and picked him up and not let him go because that was the last they were going to see each other unless who knows when.
It seems like it was just yesterday when he broke down in tears saying that he does not want to leave home.
It seems like it was just yesterday when I told him that I loved him and I will wait.
It seems like it was just yesterday when he told me that this was for our future.

He is gone now. Probably asleep, awaiting his future tomorrow at 4.30am when he will be shipped off and officially sworn into the Navy.

I cried. We cried.
I cried whenever I thought of him smiling at me.
And yet, I thought that it was going to be easy because I have said goodbyes so many times, that I should be a pro in holding my emotions in.
I hate the fact that we could not even have any form of communication until his boot camp ends.
I cried so hard that they sky cried with me. It rained the entire day. It was so gloomy, as if the heavens were mourning for our part. At least it feels like it.



My acting teacher said: "Use this in your acting. Remember this feeling."




I hate this feeling. I hate goodbyes.




Till I hear from you again my best friend, my confidante, my comforter, my bolster at night, my partner in crime, my Filipino boy, my love.
Let's see where fate takes us.

I know you'll do yourself, your family, us, and your country proud.


Only You - Acoustic Version.MP3 - David Choi

xoxo
Love you much.

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